Managing depression can be a really tough thing to do. It’s even tougher when you have no access to therapy or medication. So what do I do to keep my depressive episodes in check? I buy shit.
I’ve been using this method of self medication since I was old enough to start making my own money, but I didn’t recognize what I was doing until about three years ago. Now, I don’t try to convince myself I need these items, but I understand that ordering things online gives me something to look forward to.
As crazy as it is, I really enjoy tracking my packages and waiting for them to show up. The novelty of the new item wears off after a few days but it’s still a feeling I enjoy. Now, I’m not constantly buying shit because I don’t really have money to blow but every now and then, I treat myself.
Here are my latest purchases:
1. Cleated Creepers
Solid impulse buy. Just happened to be on youtube, saw these and had to have them. WAAAAYYY overpriced and they ended up running a half size too small so I’m returning them. They’re super cute though and I do wish they had fit but they’re not $140 cute.
These I haven’t actually gotten in the mail yet but they were 50% off so I convinced myself it was totally fine.
3. Big Mac
Fast food. I tell myself I’m gonna stop but whenever I have a chance, I’m buying pizza, Mcdonalds, chicken wings, you name it.
4. Krispy Kreme
I’m not even crazy about sugar and I bought a dozen donuts tonight. The Hot donuts sign wasn’t even on anymore. smh.
Do any of these items have a long-lasting positive impact on my depression, you ask?
BUT they are decent distractions. That’s the best thing I can come up with to help myself. I use an oil diffuser during the day and at night with different essential oils that calm me down. I drink lots of tea, sometimes I’ll pop a melatonin if I think I’m going to be up all night having depressing thoughts.
While I definitely think depression can be a lot more manageable with the right drugs, I’ve also come to accept the fact that this probably isn’t something that’s going to go away. When I was younger, I thought I just hated high school and living at home and that once I got out on my own and had some freedom, I’d feel happy.
Been there, done that, was still depressed. Although I definitely prefer depression in my own apartment with my own job. Very excited to get back to that one day soon (not being sarcastic in the slightest).
But for now, this is how I’m coping.